I Saw Mommy Biting Santa Claus

To the tune of I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus by Tommie Connor

Slick red stains on the fireplace

Little Johnny's scared, see how he shivers and he shakes

For Johnny's witnessed horrors such as he should never bear

He vomits milk and cookies and he rips out all his hair

I saw mommy biting Santa Claus

Undead teeth rent flesh and bone last night

She became a horrid freak and seized him with a shriek

He fought back but she was too strong, the outcome was so bleak

Then I saw mommy thrill-kill Santa Claus

Hunger made her take the old man's life

While she scarfed his bloody spleen, I wished that I'd never seen

Mommy biting Santa Claus last night

This may be the most disturbing thing I've ever written. Yes, I'm quite proud of myself. Merry Christmas, bitches!

Back in 2010 & new update days

Hey everyone,

I'll be firing up this blog again starting in 2010, updating regularly on Tuesdays and Fridays. January 5th will be the date of the next regular post.

There might be something gory and disturbing in your stocking if you were a very good zombie and ate lots of brains this year. And by that I mean I couldn't go without zombifying a Christmas song!

May the winter holiday of your choice bring you happiness.

Brains,

~ Dave

We're Craving Brains Again

To the tune of Here Comes The Rain Again by Eurythmics

We're craving brains again

Gnawing on your head, so savory

Gnawing on your head like a crude compulsion

I want to suck on your broken shin

I want to snack on ravaged wounds

I want to split open your noggin

And start feeding on you

So hungry, need your brains

For zombie food

Indeed your brains

Are zombie food

Need your brains

For zombie food

We're craving brains again

Gnawing on your head spasmodically

Tearing you apart like a crude compulsion

I want to chew on your broken shin

I want to drink from ravaged wounds

I want to split open your noggin

And start feeding on you

So hungry, need your brains

For zombie food

Indeed your brains

Are zombie food

Need your brains

For zombie food

So hungry, need your brains

For zombie food

We're craving brains again

Gnawing on your head, so savory

Gnawing on your head like a crude compulsion

(craving brains again, craving brains again)

I want to suck on your broken shin

I want to snack on ravaged wounds

I want to split open your noggin

And start feeding on you

True story: in 1989, the Eurythmics' career was eaten by zombies. Also, I have a thing for Annie Lennox.

Maybe I'll Eat Your Brain

To the tune of Baby I love Your Way by Peter Frampton

Skin pulled off upon your demise

And we're slurping the hemorrhage

Greedily I take another bite

Matter grey, is so pretty

We're zombie clichés, our hunger won't abate

Ooh maybe I'll eat your brain

Gonna kill you then eat your brain

Wanna make your skull my buffet

Human fears I'll dine upon his eye

Posthumous, he will arise

Hunt them down and then upon them dine, dine, dine

The population is in decline

We're zombie clichés, our hunger won't abate

Ooh maybe I'll eat your brain

Gonna kill you then eat your brain

Wanna make your skull my buffet

We're zombie clichés, our hunger won't abate

I sunk my bicuspid in your thighs

Gnawed up bones, chewed insides

Guts unraveled, intestines undone

It's a bit messy but appeasin'

We're zombie clichés, our hunger won't abate

Ooh maybe I'll eat your brain

Gonna kill you then eat your brain

Wanna make your skull my buffet

Ooh maybe I'll eat your brain

Did you think the album "Frampton Comes Alive" refers to a live concert? NO! It was about him coming back from the dead as a zombie. Yes, really. His album "Rise Up" had nothing to do with crawling out of a grave though.

	Peter Frampton - Baby I Love Your Way (Acoustic)
	Found at skreemr.com

Re: Your Brains

No, I didn't do a zombie version of a zombie song, redundancy ain't my thing. But, in lieu of new posts this week, here's a funny video I put together a couple of Halloweens ago, set to the music of the talented Jonathan Coulton, who I will hopefully be able to see perform at PAX on Saturday.

Off this week, back from the dead on the 7th

Sorry folks, no new posts this week, I'll be back on Monday, Sept 7th with new material. If you're going to PAX, look for the guy in the Zombaritaville shirt!

In the meantime, enjoy this classic: Zombie Vs. Shark, from Lucio Fulci's Zombi 2.

Be My Zombie

To the tune of Stand By Me, by Ben E. King

When your limbs are numb
And you've lost that spark
And you groan and are always quite hungry
No I won't run away
No I won't run away
It's not wrong, if you'll be my zombie

And snarling, snarling, be my zombie
Oh now be my zombie
Oh be my zombie, my zombie

If it's brains, that you feast upon
And you shamble and crawl
And your skin is all rotten and turns green
I won't fire, I won't fire
No I won't shoot you, dear
It's not wrong, if you'll be my zombie

And snarling, snarling, be my zombie
Oh now, be my zombie
Oh be my zombie, my zombie

So snarling, snarling, be my zombie
Oh now, be my zombie
Oh be now, my zombie, my zombie

When you're resurrected won't you be my zombie
Oh now, be my zombie
Oh won't you be my zombie, my zombie

I genuinely love this song, I have no snarky comment to add. It's a beautiful piece of art, and I probably shouldn't have made a zombie parody of it, but I did, so there.

Infected Zombie Bite

To the tune of Afternoon Delight by Starland Vocal Band

Screen for pathogens with ultraviolet light

To diagnose infected zombie bites

My motto's always been; seal your hazmat tight

Their contagion's much stronger than your leukocytes

Can't make antibodies to defeat this viral strain

Everyone afflicted becomes violent—tries to eat my brain

Thinkin' up ways to cure this septic blight

Preventing the transmittal of the zombie bite

Quarantine the combat zone after the firefight

And the epidemic of undead begins subsiding

Injured in the fight, infected zombie bite

Infected zombie bite

Infected zombie bite

Study wind-shift patterns at the outbreak site

Epidemiology is what will stem this undead tide

But the corpses start attackin' and I'm in a plight

'Cause the outcome of the battle is a zombie bite

Injured in the fight, infected zombie bite

Infected zombie bite

Infected zombie bite

Please incinerate my body when my corpse is found

Flee, get back to the chopper 'fore the sun goes down

Thinkin' up ways to cure this septic blight

Preventing the transmittal of the zombie bite

Quarantine the combat zone after the firefight

And the epidemic of undead begins subsiding

Injured in the fight, infected zombie bite

Infected zombie bite

Infected zombie bite

Infected zombie bite

Infected zombie bite

Most of you kids only know this song from Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy. That's OK, it was an improvement on the original.

	Starland Vocal Band - Afternoon Delight
	Found at skreemr.com