I Saw Mommy Biting Santa Claus

To the tune of I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus by Tommie Connor

Slick red stains on the fireplace

Little Johnny's scared, see how he shivers and he shakes

For Johnny's witnessed horrors such as he should never bear

He vomits milk and cookies and he rips out all his hair

I saw mommy biting Santa Claus

Undead teeth rent flesh and bone last night

She became a horrid freak and seized him with a shriek

He fought back but she was too strong, the outcome was so bleak

Then I saw mommy thrill-kill Santa Claus

Hunger made her take the old man's life

While she scarfed his bloody spleen, I wished that I'd never seen

Mommy biting Santa Claus last night

This may be the most disturbing thing I've ever written. Yes, I'm quite proud of myself. Merry Christmas, bitches!

Back in 2010 & new update days

Hey everyone,

I'll be firing up this blog again starting in 2010, updating regularly on Tuesdays and Fridays. January 5th will be the date of the next regular post.

There might be something gory and disturbing in your stocking if you were a very good zombie and ate lots of brains this year. And by that I mean I couldn't go without zombifying a Christmas song!

May the winter holiday of your choice bring you happiness.

Brains,

~ Dave

We're Craving Brains Again

To the tune of Here Comes The Rain Again by Eurythmics

We're craving brains again

Gnawing on your head, so savory

Gnawing on your head like a crude compulsion

I want to suck on your broken shin

I want to snack on ravaged wounds

I want to split open your noggin

And start feeding on you

So hungry, need your brains

For zombie food

Indeed your brains

Are zombie food

Need your brains

For zombie food

We're craving brains again

Gnawing on your head spasmodically

Tearing you apart like a crude compulsion

I want to chew on your broken shin

I want to drink from ravaged wounds

I want to split open your noggin

And start feeding on you

So hungry, need your brains

For zombie food

Indeed your brains

Are zombie food

Need your brains

For zombie food

So hungry, need your brains

For zombie food

We're craving brains again

Gnawing on your head, so savory

Gnawing on your head like a crude compulsion

(craving brains again, craving brains again)

I want to suck on your broken shin

I want to snack on ravaged wounds

I want to split open your noggin

And start feeding on you

True story: in 1989, the Eurythmics' career was eaten by zombies. Also, I have a thing for Annie Lennox.

Maybe I'll Eat Your Brain

To the tune of Baby I love Your Way by Peter Frampton

Skin pulled off upon your demise

And we're slurping the hemorrhage

Greedily I take another bite

Matter grey, is so pretty

We're zombie clichés, our hunger won't abate

Ooh maybe I'll eat your brain

Gonna kill you then eat your brain

Wanna make your skull my buffet

Human fears I'll dine upon his eye

Posthumous, he will arise

Hunt them down and then upon them dine, dine, dine

The population is in decline

We're zombie clichés, our hunger won't abate

Ooh maybe I'll eat your brain

Gonna kill you then eat your brain

Wanna make your skull my buffet

We're zombie clichés, our hunger won't abate

I sunk my bicuspid in your thighs

Gnawed up bones, chewed insides

Guts unraveled, intestines undone

It's a bit messy but appeasin'

We're zombie clichés, our hunger won't abate

Ooh maybe I'll eat your brain

Gonna kill you then eat your brain

Wanna make your skull my buffet

Ooh maybe I'll eat your brain

Did you think the album "Frampton Comes Alive" refers to a live concert? NO! It was about him coming back from the dead as a zombie. Yes, really. His album "Rise Up" had nothing to do with crawling out of a grave though.

	Peter Frampton - Baby I Love Your Way (Acoustic)
	Found at skreemr.com

Re: Your Brains

No, I didn't do a zombie version of a zombie song, redundancy ain't my thing. But, in lieu of new posts this week, here's a funny video I put together a couple of Halloweens ago, set to the music of the talented Jonathan Coulton, who I will hopefully be able to see perform at PAX on Saturday.

Off this week, back from the dead on the 7th

Sorry folks, no new posts this week, I'll be back on Monday, Sept 7th with new material. If you're going to PAX, look for the guy in the Zombaritaville shirt!

In the meantime, enjoy this classic: Zombie Vs. Shark, from Lucio Fulci's Zombi 2.

Be My Zombie

To the tune of Stand By Me, by Ben E. King

When your limbs are numb
And you've lost that spark
And you groan and are always quite hungry
No I won't run away
No I won't run away
It's not wrong, if you'll be my zombie

And snarling, snarling, be my zombie
Oh now be my zombie
Oh be my zombie, my zombie

If it's brains, that you feast upon
And you shamble and crawl
And your skin is all rotten and turns green
I won't fire, I won't fire
No I won't shoot you, dear
It's not wrong, if you'll be my zombie

And snarling, snarling, be my zombie
Oh now, be my zombie
Oh be my zombie, my zombie

So snarling, snarling, be my zombie
Oh now, be my zombie
Oh be now, my zombie, my zombie

When you're resurrected won't you be my zombie
Oh now, be my zombie
Oh won't you be my zombie, my zombie

I genuinely love this song, I have no snarky comment to add. It's a beautiful piece of art, and I probably shouldn't have made a zombie parody of it, but I did, so there.

Infected Zombie Bite

To the tune of Afternoon Delight by Starland Vocal Band

Screen for pathogens with ultraviolet light

To diagnose infected zombie bites

My motto's always been; seal your hazmat tight

Their contagion's much stronger than your leukocytes

Can't make antibodies to defeat this viral strain

Everyone afflicted becomes violent—tries to eat my brain

Thinkin' up ways to cure this septic blight

Preventing the transmittal of the zombie bite

Quarantine the combat zone after the firefight

And the epidemic of undead begins subsiding

Injured in the fight, infected zombie bite

Infected zombie bite

Infected zombie bite

Study wind-shift patterns at the outbreak site

Epidemiology is what will stem this undead tide

But the corpses start attackin' and I'm in a plight

'Cause the outcome of the battle is a zombie bite

Injured in the fight, infected zombie bite

Infected zombie bite

Infected zombie bite

Please incinerate my body when my corpse is found

Flee, get back to the chopper 'fore the sun goes down

Thinkin' up ways to cure this septic blight

Preventing the transmittal of the zombie bite

Quarantine the combat zone after the firefight

And the epidemic of undead begins subsiding

Injured in the fight, infected zombie bite

Infected zombie bite

Infected zombie bite

Infected zombie bite

Infected zombie bite

Most of you kids only know this song from Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy. That's OK, it was an improvement on the original.

	Starland Vocal Band - Afternoon Delight
	Found at skreemr.com

Hello Re-Animator

To the tune of Hello Operator by The White Stripes

Hello re-animator

Take me out this box of pine

Defy my creator

Shoot re-agent up my spine

A Miskatonic maker

Necro-animatic skill

Dead man'll walk an acre

Driven by the urge to kill

Arkham mortuary

Cut the flesh right from the bone

Extract of pituitary

Experiments no one condone

Why you killin' everybody

Secrets hide in an ancient tome

Why you killin' everybody

Before long you wind up alone

If The White Stripes were turned into zombies, would they have to sue Rob Zombie to change their name to "The White Zombies"?

	The White Stripes - Hello Operator
	Found at skreemr.com

Mr. Dead Guy

To the tune of Mr. Blue Sky by Electric Light Orchestra

[Radio announcer] Warning! Be on the lookout for zombies

I'm in this bunker, still alive

Paralyzed with fright

Have they stopped maimin'

Did their bodies rot away

How do we know

They won't come after us again, I pray

Done in if we misconstrue

The lack of screaming nightly

Search the city for the fiends

Form a committee

Mister dead guy might be lurking near his grave

Mister dead guy, we're searching high

And low to find a way

To survive—hopin' you're dead and gone

Mister dead guy, we're searching high

And low to find a way

To survive—hopin' you're dead and gone

They've gone without a single trace

To their final resting place

The devastation mister dead guy's

Caused is over, come on out

Resume your lives before the war

Mister dead guy, we're searching high

And low to find a way

To survive—hopin' you're dead and gone

Hey there, undead dudes

We hope that we're rid of you

And the way you bite and chew

Everybody's scared of you

Hey there, undead dudes

We hope that we're rid of you

And the way you bite and chew

Everybody's scared of you

Mister dead guy

Mister dead guy

Mister dead guy

Mister dead gave me a bite

He was hidden, came out tonight

Creepin' over, now our

Cities all a-smolder

Ate my mind and then shambled on his—and then shambled on his way

Mister dead guy, we're searching high

And low to find a way

To survive—hopin' you're dead and gone

Hey there, undead dudes

We hope that we're rid of you

And the way you bite and chew

Everybody's scared of you

Fact: Jeff Lynne co-wrote "Zombie Zoo" with Tom Petty…coincidence? I think not!

	- Mr. Blue Sky
	Found at skreemr.com

Runnin' From A Fiend

To the tune of Runnin' Down A Dream by Tom Petty

Well their skin was grey, they groaned so loud

Strapped my ammo on, I was survivin'

Tryin' to keep alive, me and Ben were hidin'

But to our dismay, they were undyin'

Yeah runnin' from a fiend

That never stops hunting me

Gonna be history, when he catches me and he feeds

I'm runnin' from a fiend

I felt so scared, like escaping was impossible

I'm so afraid, they'll eat my eyes

For 28 days, the horde was unstoppable

There were billions that lost their lives

Yeah runnin' from a fiend

That never stops hunting me

Gonna be history, when he catches me and he feeds

I'm runnin' from a fiend

They broke in, just after dark

Smashed the door down, ended our lives

We're zombies now, shamblin' with the horde

I'm eatin' who—ever I find

Yeah, hunger for some brains

It's the only thing I can think

Guts draggin' on the street, my skin's grey and I stink

Hunger for some brains

Tom Petty sings it his way, I sing it my way.

	Tom Petty - Running Down a Dream
	Found at skreemr.com

Attackin' Diane

To the tune of Jack & Diane by John Mellencamp

There's a zombie attackin' Diane

Some undead cat's come around, wanna eat her glands

His ugly face is one bad scar

Diane's combatin' zombies in her hotwired car

Suckin' out human brains, those hungry zombies

Diane cockin' her rifle's bolt

Camouflaged up in the trees

Zombie brains gettin' blown out

By a sniper unseen

Dribbles out the hole in his head

And rolls down his knees 

Groanin'

We're damned to respawn

Tryin' to kill the livin' by dawn

Groanin'

We're damned to respawn

Tryin' to kill the livin' by dawn, we walk on

Zombie falls down, lands face first on the pavement

Splits open his head, does a Tom Savini

Gotta plan, Diane, and escape the over-run city

Diane reloads and shoots another zombie

Zombies groanin'

We're damned to respawn

Tryin' to kill the livin' by dawn

We're damned to respawn

Tryin' to kill the livin' by dawn

Gotta shoot my Glock™

And reload

Find the proper frequency

On the ham radio

Hold your position as long as you can

Army's comin' 'round real soon

With munitions and men

We're damned to respawn

Tryin' to kill the livin' by dawn

We're damned to respawn

Tryin' to kill the livin' by dawn

There's a zombie attackin' Diane

Survivin' this apocalypse, best she can

"Cougar" had different connotations when John Mellencamp came out with this.

	John Cougar Mellencamp - Jack and Diane
	Found at skreemr.com