Tuesday, January 19, 2010

New Zombie and Old Zombie

To the tune of Ebony And Ivory, by Paul McCartney (performed with Stevie Wonder)

New zombie and old zombie
Kill their victims with numb brutality
Bite by bite, fast and slow hordes crawl forth
With gore, on the screen

Quick or slow?
Do you prefer the classics or undead nouveau?
There is blood and gore, and lots of guns
We'll eat your head
The living dead just know hunger
Not a soul will survive, next show's ten forty-five

New zombie and old zombie
Kill their victims with numb brutality
Bite by bite, fast and slow hordes crawl forth
With gore, on the screen

New zombie, old zombie, munching on bloody human meat
New zombie, old zombie

Quick or slow?
Do you prefer Zack Snyder or George Romero?
There is blood and gore, and lots of guns
We'll eat your head
The living dead just know hunger
Not a soul will survive, next show's ten forty-five

New zombie and old zombie
Kill their victims with numb brutality
Bite by bite, fast and slow hordes crawl forth
With gore, on the screen

Bite by bite, fast and slow hordes crawl forth
With gore, on the screen

New zombie, old zombie, munching on bloody human meat…

Everyone knows that ebony and ivory ain't nuthin' compared to the color green…no, not money, fool! Zombies! The dead are all equal, regardless of race or class. Hope you had a good Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Hooked On Brain Eating

To the tune of Hooked On A Feeling by B.J. Thomas (and made famous by Blue Swede)

My flesh won't stop peeling
Sloughs right off of me
Girl, time for your demise
'Cause I got a need

When I'm moldy
And I stalk the night
Movin' so slow
Filled with undead might…GRRAARGH!

I'm hooked on brain eating
I must keep on feeding
I'm insanely hungry

Got nowhere left to flee
Now we're gonna dine
It's her fault she's so tasty
Let's rip out her spine

It looks bad for you girl
All that blood and gore
You became our victim
Still, we're craving more

Our teeth sank right through the bone
Your shrieking muffled our groans

I'm hooked on brain eating
I must keep on feeding
I'm insanely hungry

Our teeth sank right through the bone
Your shrieking muffled our groans

I'm hooked on brain eating
I must keep on feeding
I'm insanely hungry

I would feel slightly less silly singing this version at karaoke than the original.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Feast On Brains

To the tune of You're So Vain by Carly Simon

You limped in from the wasteland and so we fired a warning shot
Our men strategically hid just out of sight
Tryin' hard not to be caught
You had one eye in your sockets and you smelled of death and rot
And all the ghouls screamed, they're crazed by the hunger
Crazed by the hunger, they'd…

Feast on brains, gobble up as much as you can chew
Feast on brains,
OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM OM NOM
OM NOM, OM NOM

We hacked your severed limbs right off and you didn't even bleed
Well we shot at their heads but they were not scared
They just kept on approaching
But I stood my ground and as I died I watched the others flee
Now I'm so hungry, for guts in my gullet
Guts in my gullet, and I…

Feast on brains, gobble up as much as you can chew
Feast on brains,
OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM OM NOM
OM NOM, OM NOM

Now I'm so hungry, for guts in my gullet
Guts in my gullet, and I…

Feast on brains, gobble up as much as you can chew
Feast on brains,
OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM OM NOM
OM NOM, OM NOM

Well I shambled along with the zombie horde, joined in our hunger as one
Then we stormed the reinforced encampment
To eat the holdout remaining humans
Well we savored each bite as they died
And all the parts that remained
Moved and stood upright, they're infected zombies
Infected zombies, who…

Feast on brains, gobble up as much as you can chew
Feast on brains,
OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM OM NOM
OM NOM, OM NOM OM NOM

Feast on brains,
OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM OM NOM
OM NOM, OM NOM
Feast on brains,
OM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM OM NOM
OM NOM, OM NOM

I don't know who the original is about, but this one is about a zombie.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

I Saw Mommy Biting Santa Claus

To the tune of I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus by Tommie Connor

Slick red stains on the fireplace
Little Johnny's scared, see how he shivers and he shakes
For Johnny's witnessed horrors such as he should never bear
He vomits milk and cookies and he rips out all his hair

I saw mommy biting Santa Claus
Undead teeth rent flesh and bone last night
She became a horrid freak and seized him with a shriek
He fought back but she was too strong, the outcome was so bleak

Then I saw mommy thrill-kill Santa Claus
Hunger made her take the old man's life
While she scarfed his bloody spleen, I wished that I'd never seen
Mommy biting Santa Claus last night

This may be the most disturbing thing I've ever written. Yes, I'm quite proud of myself. Merry Christmas, bitches!

Back in 2010 & new update days

Hey everyone,

I'll be firing up this blog again starting in 2010, updating regularly on Tuesdays and Fridays. January 5th will be the date of the next regular post.

There might be something gory and disturbing in your stocking if you were a very good zombie and ate lots of brains this year. And by that I mean I couldn't go without zombifying a Christmas song!

May the winter holiday of your choice bring you happiness.

Brains,
~ Dave

Monday, September 21, 2009

We're Craving Brains Again

To the tune of Here Comes The Rain Again by Eurythmics

We're craving brains again
Gnawing on your head, so savory
Gnawing on your head like a crude compulsion
I want to suck on your broken shin
I want to snack on ravaged wounds
I want to split open your noggin
And start feeding on you

So hungry, need your brains
For zombie food
Indeed your brains
Are zombie food
Need your brains
For zombie food

We're craving brains again
Gnawing on your head spasmodically
Tearing you apart like a crude compulsion
I want to chew on your broken shin
I want to drink from ravaged wounds
I want to split open your noggin
And start feeding on you

So hungry, need your brains
For zombie food
Indeed your brains
Are zombie food
Need your brains
For zombie food

So hungry, need your brains
For zombie food

We're craving brains again
Gnawing on your head, so savory
Gnawing on your head like a crude compulsion
(craving brains again, craving brains again)
I want to suck on your broken shin
I want to snack on ravaged wounds
I want to split open your noggin
And start feeding on you

True story: in 1989, the Eurythmics' career was eaten by zombies. Also, I have a thing for Annie Lennox.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Maybe I'll Eat Your Brain

To the tune of Baby I love Your Way by Peter Frampton

Skin pulled off upon your demise
And we're slurping the hemorrhage
Greedily I take another bite
Matter grey, is so pretty
We're zombie clichés, our hunger won't abate

Ooh maybe I'll eat your brain
Gonna kill you then eat your brain
Wanna make your skull my buffet

Human fears I'll dine upon his eye
Posthumous, he will arise
Hunt them down and then upon them dine, dine, dine
The population is in decline
We're zombie clichés, our hunger won't abate

Ooh maybe I'll eat your brain
Gonna kill you then eat your brain
Wanna make your skull my buffet

We're zombie clichés, our hunger won't abate

I sunk my bicuspid in your thighs
Gnawed up bones, chewed insides
Guts unraveled, intestines undone
It's a bit messy but appeasin'
We're zombie clichés, our hunger won't abate

Ooh maybe I'll eat your brain
Gonna kill you then eat your brain
Wanna make your skull my buffet

Ooh maybe I'll eat your brain

Did you think the album "Frampton Comes Alive" refers to a live concert? NO! It was about him coming back from the dead as a zombie. Yes, really. His album "Rise Up" had nothing to do with crawling out of a grave though.
Peter Frampton - Baby I Love Your Way (Acoustic)
Found at skreemr.com

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Re: Your Brains

No, I didn't do a zombie version of a zombie song, redundancy ain't my thing. But, in lieu of new posts this week, here's a funny video I put together a couple of Halloweens ago, set to the music of the talented Jonathan Coulton, who I will hopefully be able to see perform at PAX on Saturday.